Loneliness

I’ve heard it said (and I’ve said it myself) "If you’re lonely outside of a relationship, you will be lonely inside of a relationship." One of my favorite bands has a line that says, "I’m lonely, but I’m not alone..." If loneliness is only a mental condition, why is it so prevalent in society? I work at a boy’s treatment facility where recently 5 of the 8 boys were sick with some sort of stomach virus. These boys had to be separated from the non-sick boys. The day after the epidemic, there was only one boy left who had still been sick and vomiting. He was separated from the group for the whole day. About half way through the day, he started crying as if something were dreadfully wrong. When asked what was wrong, he replied, "I'm lonely." This is what it looked like for a 12 year old, but what does it look like for an adult?

I have a theory that has been proved correct time after time. It is that adults are large children. Even though we all might not verbally cry out for attention or help, we still cry out in other ways. Some of us have time consuming hobbies, long hours at the office, internet dating services, chemical, alcohol or sexual addictions, and other habits or hobbies that spring from the need to keep our mind occupied from the fact that we feel alone.

Where does loneliness come from? Why do we have a need for others? I remember that as a kid, I’d get fed up with those surrounding me and say something about wanting to go live in the woods in a hollowed-out tree as a hermit. I knew I’d never be able to do it because we do need others. We are created to enjoy the company others. God walked with Adam in the Garden. I don’t think loneliness occurred to Adam or Eve until they realized their sin had separated them from God. I think loneliness is our constant reminder of our need for God. Before sin, God walked with Adam. That is an amazing thought. But that fellowship was broken. This is where so many people make mistakes. They want to fill that loneliness with other things.

So is it a sin to be lonely? Is it necessary to be surrounded by people all the time? Some of the loneliest times, for me, occur in the most crowded places. It seems when there are so many people who have noting to do with you, that realization of aloneness is amplified. From what I know of the life of Jesus, people surrounded him for most of his ministry. He had his closest 12 and then the multitudes that followed him, some to hear the words of life, others only to see some neat miracle be performed. The Bible tells of many times Jesus went up to the mountain alone to pray. On one occasion, he had just heard of the death of his cousin John, but the multitudes would not let him be alone. The Bible then says something I find amazing... He had compassion on the people and healed their sick (Matt 4:13-14). Right before that (Matt 12:14-15), the religious leaders are plotting his death and Jesus gets away, but again is followed and again heals the sick.

I think the lesson to be learned here is what we do with our loneliness. Do we withdraw for an extended period of time without regard to anyone but ourselves? Do we allow those times to interrupt the task that God has set before us? I think too many times we become so consumed with ourselves and our situation that we fail to really live life. Pride comes in many forms. One of those is, "look at me and look at how great I am." Another one is, "look at me and how miserable and crappy my life is." I'm not so sure there is much of a distinction between the two. I can be guilty of both. And sometimes within the space of 5 minutes.

So no, it is not a sin to be lonely, but yes, it is a sin to be prideful of how great you are or how greatly pitiful you think you are. Truth be told, we are all pretty pitiful characters. But that is not the end of the story. We all have brokenness in our lives and we all have accomplishments. God sees us through different eyes than we see ourselves. We are loved with such a great love and should never loose sight of that.