Sunday, December 16, 2007

silly wedding picture

Thanksgiving? (2006)

Culture Shock
Lately, I’ve been busy with various projects and support-raising during my time visiting the U.S. Recently, I spoke to a large group of middle-schoolers. I knew I was not there to raise financial support, but rather to raise awareness. Awareness of how the rest of the world lives. I spent time researching some statistical data from the Philippines and the 3rd world. Statistics say that half of the world lives on less than 2 dollars a day. 2... dollars... a... day... 20% of the world uses 80% of the world’s resources... TB is the 6th top killer of Filipinos -- and the statistics continue to tell us how unjust the world is. I arrived in the U.S. before Thanksgiving. During this time, it seems, the news was filled with stories about the new XBOX and how people were lined up outside every retail electronic store across the country to pay $400 dollars for a gaming system (while the other half of the world struggles to feed their children nutritious meals). What is even more ironic is that the day after "Thanksgiving" is "Black Friday"... meaning the biggest shopping day of the year. It's not like it grocery shopping or alms giving... it’s buying overpriced toys (on "sale") for children and adults. Our nation's children are growing up with increasingly more stuff. We have bought into the idea that we need things.

Back to the middle schoolers... As I read in the Gospels, I find that Jesus called his disciples and they LEFT EVERYTHING. I asked this group of (mostly) churched students if God asks them to "give up everything." They said "no" (hoping that I would confirm their answer). And I don't think He does. From what I read in the Bible, God tells us (commands us) to give to the poor... be openhanded to anyone who asks... to trust Him. The bottom line is that God wants ALL of us. All of us. We cannot serve God AND stuff. We either serve God with all we are and all we have... or we don't. When we serve God with all we are, we present our bodies, lifestyles, speech, etc... as a "living sacrifice" (meaning we lay down those things as gifts to God). When we serve God with all we have, we don’t hold on to stuff. We are willing to give away anything God asks of us. Further still... we are willing to give up anything that another person asks of us.

It All Goes Back to LOVE
"If we don’t love our brother we can see, how can we love a God we can’t see?" This question is presented to us in the Word of God. When you dig deeper into this line of thought, you wonder, how can I love God then? The key, I believe goes back to God’s love. "For God so love the world that he gave his only Son..." I don’t believe we can love our brothers until we understand God's love for us. Ephesians 1 gives a prayer for "THE SPIRIT OF WISDOM AND UNDERSTANDING so we might KNOW HIM BETTER." We really do need to continually ask God to reveal His Son to us so we can KNOW Him. To KNOW Him is to know love. Once we know and understand God's love for us, we, in return, can love others. God gave me a pretty vivid picture of this a couple months ago...

What’s That Smell?
Staying in Pakak (one of the Butbut villages), I have many small followers. The children of the village would congregate wherever I would be. When I would be walking across the village, they would push and shove to hold my hands. So there I was, surrounded by 5-10 children like the Pied Piper on a small scale (not that the children are equated to rats... nor do I wear green tights...). Later that night, I attended a Bible study with the youth. I began to smell something horrid. I thought I might have stepped in animal's waste or someone had gas or... I couldn’t figure it out. As I began to sniff around (still during the Bible study) I found the smell was in front of me... no, to the right side of me... wait... it’s my hands!!! Man, I wanted to leave right then -- it was my hands! I thought back, "Why do my hands smell like this?" Then I remembered the kids that day. Those disgusting little...

Something Needs to Change
As I walked back from the study, I went straight to the pump and washed my hands. When the kids came up to hold my hands I pulled my hands away and would just put them on the top of their heads in order not to have to smell that on me again. Suddenly, God showed me my heart toward Him. I pictured myself as a child with filthy hands. As I reached out to take God's hand, he pulled them away, not wanting to touch my sinful self. But this was a backward picture. Later that day, I sat and with my guitar and sang these lines, "and so I reach with filthy hands, wanting to touch Yours again... but You don’t refuse me, no you love me anyway." God takes us even in our weakness, and holds us. When we begin to get a revelation of the love of God for us, we can love others in their weakness. We become less cynical, sarcastic, and critical. All this to say, in order to change the world, we must change how we view God. When we have a view of a loving God that loves humanity and hates sin so much he would send his Son to redeem us from our filth, we can love all those who are the unlovely, rejects of society. In fact, we are those filthy, unloved, rejects... who have been redeemed by the God of the Universe.

Story of Kayla (2002 - 2005)


Tuesday
A man came to the clinic asking for medicine for his sick child. I was in a bit of a hurry and had helped this family before, as it seemed this little girl was often sick. I found some children's Tylenol, gave him a couple of doses for the child and asked if there was anything else I could do for him. (Truthfully, I suspected this man of being one who takes advantage of others and just wanted to see what he could get from the "rich foreigners"). He then asked for rice for his family, but we didn't have extra at the time. I was in a hurry and wanted to finish my business as I insincerely asked if there was anything else he needed. He eventually said yes, that he needed money to buy rice for his family. I told him it is not our policy as an organization to give out money. He said he understood and then went home.

I told him I would go to his village and do check-ups on Friday.

Friday
I went to his village. I would often go there on my time off to visit with my "tribal family" anyway, so I didn't mind doing it. When I finally started doing check-ups, it was already past 4:30 and I had about 2 hours of daylight before it was dark and I'd have to stop due to the absence of electricity and light. More and more people showed up and I was feeling a bit over whelmed at the number of people and the amount of time I had. It was dark and I was a bit tired and tried to hurry through the last few patients. The man's wife and child who asked for rice for his family came and I listened to the child’s breathing, gave the child some paracetamol for her fever and antibiotics for any respitory infection and said she probably had a cough and cold as I did not see anything alarmingly wrong with the child. I finished up ate dinner with my tribal family and went back to the other village I where I had been staying.

Saturday
I got word that the sick child, Kayla, a beautiful 2 year old, was in the hospital. I reasoned I shouldn't rush right away and waited.

Monday
Monday came, and that afternoon, I thought I needed to check on Kayla. I got to the government hospital and asked where the child was. The nurses pointed to the ICU. I had no idea her sickness was so serious. When I got in the room, there she was, in a stupor on the bed with her mother (who was in a devastated state from the child's grave condition). Kayla was breathing on her own, but would only attempt to move occasionally and could not move her eyes and had no pupil response to light. I stayed at the hospital that night and prayed over the child throughtout the night.

Tuesday
I talked with the doctor. He said there was nothing more they could do and suggested they go to the next biggest city for a CT scan to see if there was swelling in the brain that could be relieved by some type of surgical operation. The family was worried about money and hesitant to go. I encouraged them to go and said I'd go with them. The father said he had to stay home with his other children, so I would meet the mother there later. That evening I went to the government hospital in Tuegagarao to find the family, but many of the wards were so crowded that there were patients lining the hallways. I finally found Kayla and they were in the hallway of the Pediatric ward, the "charity" section of each ward for the poor. She was hooked up to an IV and left there in the hallway. The father arrived about the same time I did and we took her for a chest x-ray. Kayla had a gastric drainage tube that drained a bleeding ulcer. The x-ray pointed toward TB and at this point the doctors still did not know exactly why she went into a stupor, but suspected TB, meningitis, or encephalitis. That night she stopped breathing. An ambu bag was used to resuscitate her, as at this point, she went in to a full coma, unresponsive to anything. People in the hospital would watch as we were resuscitating her like it was a daytime drama. I got angry and yelled for them to go away. We took turns pumping the ambu bag non-stop for the next couple of days. I got a few hours of sleep in an empty hospital bed that night, but the mother had only slept about 3 hours in the past 4 days.

Wednesday
Wednesday came and things were not looking up. The mother was not functioning well from lack of sleep, food, and grieving over her dying child. Kayla still had not gotten a CT scan, our whole reason for going two hours away to another hospital to be ignored by the health workers as we sat in the hallway. There was no progress during that day and I told the parents I'd go find a hotel to get some sleep that night or I'd be useless.

Thursday
I awoke to the thought that Kayla might not have made it through the night. I knew they had a CT scan scheduled for the morning at another hospital, so I'd meet them there. When I got to the hospital, I asked if the transportation had arrived from the government hospital, I was told "yes" and waited in the CT scan waiting area. When the x-ray tech came out I asked him about Kayla, he said the family was not there and called the other hospital to see why. The doctor said she was not stable enough to leave the hospital. I rushed to the hospital and she was there, but her condition had not changed. Finally I demanded to talk with her doctor to find out why nothing was being done for this child. The doctor basically said they thought she was brain dead and medications were keeping her heart beating and the ambu bag keeping her lungs moving. They were waiting for her to die. Later that day, the father said he'd go check on his other children and if I could stay to help with Kayla. I said yes and waited. About 3:30pm, Kayla's heartbeat began to slow to 60bpm to 40bpm till it stopped beating. Chest compressions were done, but the heart would not keep beating. Kayla was dead.

The rest of the day consisted of the mother and I arguing, and sometimes angrily, with guards and hospital staff that would take the body of Kayla to their morgue and not allow the mother to take her child back to her province for funeral preparations unless she could pay all of the hospital bill right then. She would not be allowed to leave until bills were paid in full. While the mother was attempting to complete the paperwork, I sat in front of that dirty morgue holding Kayla and wishing the mother did not have to go through all of this. She did not have enough money and was in no state to worry about billing and the massive amount of paperwork that was required to be discharged from the hospital. Together we were able to pay the bill and get transportation back to her home that night.

The most heart-breaking sounds I have ever heard was this mother weeping over her child. I don't think I can ever forget that sound or that image of her holding her dead child screaming for the child to answer her. I don't ever want to see the father wiping his face continually from the tears that wouldn't stop. I don't know why the child died. Maybe God had me there to be with the family. I cannot tell them why God did not answer their prayers to heal Kayla. The spinal tap revealed she had bacterial meningitis.

The very next week, the other two siblings of Kayla were in the hospital with similar symptoms as Kayla. When I visited them and asked if I could pray for the children, the mother's response was, "it doesn't do any good" and "I think God is punishing us". I don't know how to respond to the mother except that God is good and he does not change. I can just be there, pray and allow God to work through me to love them and show them that God does care so much for this family. I pray that He will continue to reveal more of his love to them through this situation.

The children are doing well now and they were discharged from the hospital after a week. We had the other two children checked for TB and they were found to be positive. We are currently sponsoring their medications for the next 6 months.

I pray I will not ever be in too much of a hurry to stop and help a needy family or individual. I pray that I won't refuse someone daily necessities because I don't want to bother or don't want to give from my own pocket. And I pray that every interaction with people God places in my path will be full of love, compassion and mercy.

Thank all of you for your friendships, support and prayer... to see how you can be involved with mercyinaction go to "how to support" section.

Our greatest purpose in life is to love God and love others.

News, stories, and happenings from August

So... where do I start? So many things have been going on here: over half a year has passed for me here in the Philippines, I spent over a week in bed with malaria in July, we have completed many medical trips to the mountains since February, supervised the completion of a well in our adopted tribal village and are continuing with the work here. But I can give at least one recent story...

Our last trip to the ButBut tribal people (and one new tribal people) in the mountains has been the most strenuous for me so far. We spent much time hiking in the mountains to each village we would work at(which I love to do anyway) but also encountered Spiritual opposition. During our first night in a village (that we had never done checkups in before), we spent much of the night up with a sick child and in prayer. We were awakened by frantic knocking on the guesthouse door where we all were sleeping in preparation for the next day of checkups. A child was sick and very lethargic in a nearby house. When we arrived, the child was barely able to keep his eyes open and his mouth just hung open. We gave him paracetamol to help lower his fever and prayed for him. The parents and grandparents were present during this time. I noticed a pig that had just been killed on the shelf near my head. We stayed with the family until about 1am. We said we would check up again at 3am to give meds again and see how the child was. At 3am, upon arriving, we immediately noticed the pig was now on the floor, cut open and a container of blood and a bowl of livers were on the counter.

Many of the people of Kalinga still hold to ancient beliefs that a sacrifice has to be made for a sick person. Sometimes blood is wiped or sprinkled on the sick and sometimes the village witchdoctor is used. We wiped the pig’s blood from the child’s face and continued to pray for him. During this time I really struggled with what to do. Do I need to demand that the pig and blood be removed so we could pray? Do we overlook it? We used the opportunity to tell the family that there was no need for the blood of pigs, but the sacrifice was made by Jesus Christ on the cross for the spiritual and physical healing of all peoples. It is his blood that heals us and nothing else is needed. The family agreed and together we prayed for the sick child. We left the house again at 5am and checked up on the child at 7am. He was noticeable better, but still needed to be transported to the nearby hospital (which was about 2 hours away).

A few days later, I was awakened (and praying immediately) by a strange dream. The moral of the dream (I believe) was that the Word of God is like shotgun shells in our fight against the enemy who is a liar and deceiver who comes to kill, steal and destroy. Without knowledge of God’s Word, we are unarmed. Even if we have God’s Word, but do not have wisdom, we are like one who does not know how to use a gun. Proverbs tells us to cry out for wisdom and understanding and search for it as one searches for gold. We need to ACTIVELY search and cry out for God to give us a spirit of wisdom and revelation as prayed for in Ephesians 1:17.

What is a missionary?


Missions and Tourism
Many times we have mistaken missions for tourism. It seems the occupation of "missionary" has been idolized for too long. Spending a week in Ileb Resettlement Camp has helped me better understand aspects of missions, poverty, and purity. Ileb consists mostly of the ButBut tribal people from the mountains who have been relocated by the government to the lowlands. Currently they have no electricity, no running water, and land that is unfit for productive farming.

Partial Missions
In Ileb, I stayed with the leader of the community and his family. The daughter of the family was the elementary teacher who could speak English, so I was able to ask questions and hold extended conversations. The daughter had passed up a better paying job in the city to stay and work in her own community in an ill-supplied class room with classes grouped together. The teacher sometimes made comments about missionaries having big hearts. To her, and many others, a missionary is defined as a person who travels to a foreign country and does "good" deeds. She was doing "good" things in her own community. So what differentiates what she does from what I do?

Travel Trophies
During my time in Ileb, some leaders from a mission's organization showed up. I felt a little embarrassed as they hopped off the van and started snapping pictures of the "poor" tribal villagers, taking pictures of the insides of their homes (which the villagers feel very embarrassed about), their children and their old people. I often feel embarrassed when there is a large group of westerners in a poverty area. It suddenly seems I have become one of the paying visitors at the poor people's zoo. Photos are taken for their scrapbook titled "look how hardcore and brave I am." These scrapbooks make great conversational pieces in the social circles of the western world. I, too, find myself in this "missionary mentality," writing home to family and friends, displaying the wonderful, brave and spiritual things I have done and seen. Oh, we have so much pride. We are willing to walk through the streets of Welfareville (where sewage runs through the streets and some children are so malnourished, they look like victims of the concentration camps) and take pictures and tell friends, but are we willing to clear a day and hang out with the people there, play basketball with the youth or play a game of tag with the children while we shake their hands, eat their food and step out of our comfort zones? Are we able to point at the people in our pictures and give their name and what THEY talked and laughed about that day? Can you point to the other persons and tell THEIR story, or have our two week outreaches become no more than a potential travel trophy?

There is Something More
Maybe many people's idea of missions needs a little revamping. How do churches and organizations operate their missions program? What should the main focus of missions be? How does our personal life reflect Christ’s commission for missions? How involved have you become in the activity of the missions dept. in your church? Do you know how the missions fund is being spent? How much goes toward travel expenses, conferences, paperwork versus actual projects, the poor and advancing the kingdom?

Missions is Restoration
By simply being around the poor, we will have many things (especially money) asked from us. Does missions mean handouts? Maybe that's too broad of a question to ask. One thought is that, biblically, we should give regardless of what is asked of us. Jesus taught if someone takes your coat; give them your shirt also (Luke 6:27-36). So how do you, or better yet, how did Jesus respond to people who asked things of him? Jesus came to give life, to restore a people back to their Creator and Father God. I can’t find a place in the gospels where Jesus actually gave money to the beggars. Maybe because it was his daily routine to give or he had given all he had to the poor already and lived daily by faith. Maybe it’s that Jesus looked past the outward and saw the inner need of the people. He saw their true inner poverty and need for restoration of the body, soul and spirit. This could be why we do find numerous times he healed them, forgave their sins and spoke the WORD of God into their lives. So, do we give to those who ask? Yes. The Bible is clear on this. "Do not say to your neighbor 'come back later; I’ll give it tomorrow' -- when you now have it with you" (Prov.3:28). "One man gives freely, yet gains even more; another man withholds unduly, but comes to poverty..." (Prov. 11:24). If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered (Prov. 21:13). "...the righteous give without sparing..." (Prov. 21:26b).

Heart Issues
The main point is that we should not be closed-handed to the needy. Many times people say the homeless "will use their money for alcohol or drugs" or try to use the verse "don't cast your pearls before swine" as an excuse not to give. I think it really goes deeper to a heart issue. Do you hold onto your money, possessions and time and try to justify your greedy heart? Spending time with the homeless, I can say that not everyone is cheating you out of that pocket change they make a living on. I have seen the children sick and malnourished from not having enough to eat, fathers that collect trash all day to get enough for a small amount of rice for one or two meals for their family, young women that die on the streets from TB because there is no one to help them (and the stories go on and on...). The issue really is our heart. We cannot serve God and money (Matt. 6:24). So are we making excuses not to give to those who ask, or are we able to provide for their need of companionship for an hour, provide money to feed their children, help with funeral expenses, hospital expenses, clean their wounds from infection, walk with them through restoration from sickness to health and healing, from depression to joy, from suicidal thoughts to life. What is it God has given you to give to others? If you say you are doing these things, is it out of love for the people? If you give a dollar to missions and you hate the poor in your heart, your money means nothing. (for more examples read the parable of the *good Samaritan (Luke 10:25+), * story of the widow’s penny (Mark 12:41+), *story of the rich ruler (Luke 18:18+), *story of the cost of being a disciple (Luke 14:25+), and who it is that Jesus welcomes into the kingdom of heaven (Matt 25:35+). Each tells of giving without reservation and bringing restoration to the needy. Restoration is bringing the kingdom of God to man.

Missions is Bringing the Kingdom of God
Now that I have said what missions is not, let me give the Biblical definition missions. Missions is what Jesus did. His life consisted of bringing the Kingdom of God to the people. It’s not enough to just do good deeds. Jesus could have just done good deeds, but His death would have been in vain. He came proclaiming repentance and forgiveness of sins and the preparation of the coming Kingdom of God. His death was His seal of the promise of forgiveness of sins so people could see the Kingdom of God.

The Gospel of the Kingdom
This is the Gospel that was spoken of in Matthew 24:14 that will be proclaimed and preached in every nation. It proclaims the coming of the King, Jesus the Messiah. Yeshua, the Son of God who has taken away the sins of the world. The term "missionary" implies that certain people are to proclaim the kingdom. Are we not all called to preach repentance and forgiveness of sins in Jesus’ name to all nations? This is the Gospel of the Kingdom; that Jesus came to redeem our souls from hell, so repent from your sins, turn from your wicked ways, believe in Jesus and you will be forgiven and received into the Kingdom of God. It sounds simple, but do our good deeds get in the way of our mouths proclaiming this? Only God can prepare a person’s heart. He uses us many times to speak the Word of God to them, drawing them to the Father. "All authority in heaven and earth has been given to me (Jesus). Therefore (you disciples) go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing (that follows repentance) them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age" (Matt. 28:18+).

First month in the Philippines

During my first month here, several students and I have returned several times to a downtown area in Manila where several families live in the street. The first time was on the way to a coffee house (run by a co-op of dwarves) for a time to relax. We never made it to the Hobbit House, but as we cut across a small side street we met the street people we would soon call friends. I soon learned much about the life of these families. One 29 year old lady named Jenny was sick with TB. We met her on a Sunday and by that Saturday, she was dead. One of her friends told her story of being sold by her family (to whom and for what, I don’t know). She lived in a small plaza under a small umbrella. Jenny’s wake was yesterday with a glass jar over her rental casket to collect enough money to pay for the wake and burial. She has no traceable family.

Another lady we met told us about how she would sleep up in trees to escape having all her things burned and being thrown in jail. She had a limp from falling out of a tree trying to escape police. Today we visited a mother who had a baby with a fever and dehydrated from diarrhea. These are the daily lives of many of the families that live on the street. While walking around the city, there are so many needs. Some can be solved with simple medical intervention, some with money (such as to pay for funerals, hospital bills, and daily food), and other with a couple hours time spent with needy people.

The situation is the same for the entire human race. Jesus healed the sick, spent time with the outcasts of society and gave to all who were in need. Redemption. Jesus redeemed our souls from destruction, death, and hell. When we are able to lift another from danger, sickness, spiritual deprivation, depression or poverty, we are imitating the example Christ gave us during his life on earth. In the parable of the Good Samaritan, Luke 10:35, the Samaritan said he would repay WHATEVER costs the treatment incurred. So many times I have to stop and ask myself if I am willing to give whatever it takes to redeem someone and to what extent I am willing to do that.

A word on worship

During a weekend in November, our class went to the mountains in eastern Oregon. We had a relaxing weekend away from homework, long classes and the daily routine. At one point in the day we went to a large field, with a guitar, hand drum and some flags. We had a time of worship. It was very cold outside, but it was a beautiful expression of our love for God. When looking at the picture above, I began to think about what worship looks like. Everyone worships someone or something. To worship is "to regard with extravagant respect, honor, or devotion" (Webster's Dictionary). I believe there are many expressions of worship.

One such expression I experienced was during the free clinic held at the Boise Vineyard. The mission medic students rotate shadowing the medical provider at the clinic on Wednesdays and Saturdays. The clients are people who don't have insurance, many are without jobs, and most are very poor. One of the clients who came into the office was a middle aged man who hadn't shaved in a while, had a not-so-pleasant body odor and had a nerve problem that put him in the emergency room three times in one week. The physician volunteer happened to specialize in neurology. In order to do certain tests, the client had to take off his shoes. The client's socks were wet with sweat and probably not so pleasant smelling either. Then, without flinching the volunteer bent down and began palpating his foot, searching for possible nerve damage. At that moment, I saw an act of worship to God. This physician volunteer did not have to touch those dirty feet without gloves and could have asked the man to wash his feet first, but he bent down and served this man. I believe that in that moment, the love of God was expressed.

Our daily life can be an expression of love and devotion to God. When we share with those in need (whether physical, emotional or spiritual), we are expressing our devotion to God in an honoring way. When we smile at someone on the street, we are expressing honor to God by loving others. When we are appreciative of the beauty around us, we are regarding the awesomeness of God, and thus, worshipping Him.

Loneliness

I’ve heard it said (and I’ve said it myself) "If you’re lonely outside of a relationship, you will be lonely inside of a relationship." One of my favorite bands has a line that says, "I’m lonely, but I’m not alone..." If loneliness is only a mental condition, why is it so prevalent in society? I work at a boy’s treatment facility where recently 5 of the 8 boys were sick with some sort of stomach virus. These boys had to be separated from the non-sick boys. The day after the epidemic, there was only one boy left who had still been sick and vomiting. He was separated from the group for the whole day. About half way through the day, he started crying as if something were dreadfully wrong. When asked what was wrong, he replied, "I'm lonely." This is what it looked like for a 12 year old, but what does it look like for an adult?

I have a theory that has been proved correct time after time. It is that adults are large children. Even though we all might not verbally cry out for attention or help, we still cry out in other ways. Some of us have time consuming hobbies, long hours at the office, internet dating services, chemical, alcohol or sexual addictions, and other habits or hobbies that spring from the need to keep our mind occupied from the fact that we feel alone.

Where does loneliness come from? Why do we have a need for others? I remember that as a kid, I’d get fed up with those surrounding me and say something about wanting to go live in the woods in a hollowed-out tree as a hermit. I knew I’d never be able to do it because we do need others. We are created to enjoy the company others. God walked with Adam in the Garden. I don’t think loneliness occurred to Adam or Eve until they realized their sin had separated them from God. I think loneliness is our constant reminder of our need for God. Before sin, God walked with Adam. That is an amazing thought. But that fellowship was broken. This is where so many people make mistakes. They want to fill that loneliness with other things.

So is it a sin to be lonely? Is it necessary to be surrounded by people all the time? Some of the loneliest times, for me, occur in the most crowded places. It seems when there are so many people who have noting to do with you, that realization of aloneness is amplified. From what I know of the life of Jesus, people surrounded him for most of his ministry. He had his closest 12 and then the multitudes that followed him, some to hear the words of life, others only to see some neat miracle be performed. The Bible tells of many times Jesus went up to the mountain alone to pray. On one occasion, he had just heard of the death of his cousin John, but the multitudes would not let him be alone. The Bible then says something I find amazing... He had compassion on the people and healed their sick (Matt 4:13-14). Right before that (Matt 12:14-15), the religious leaders are plotting his death and Jesus gets away, but again is followed and again heals the sick.

I think the lesson to be learned here is what we do with our loneliness. Do we withdraw for an extended period of time without regard to anyone but ourselves? Do we allow those times to interrupt the task that God has set before us? I think too many times we become so consumed with ourselves and our situation that we fail to really live life. Pride comes in many forms. One of those is, "look at me and look at how great I am." Another one is, "look at me and how miserable and crappy my life is." I'm not so sure there is much of a distinction between the two. I can be guilty of both. And sometimes within the space of 5 minutes.

So no, it is not a sin to be lonely, but yes, it is a sin to be prideful of how great you are or how greatly pitiful you think you are. Truth be told, we are all pretty pitiful characters. But that is not the end of the story. We all have brokenness in our lives and we all have accomplishments. God sees us through different eyes than we see ourselves. We are loved with such a great love and should never loose sight of that.

Reflections from the garage

In a time of barrenness, doubts will arise. In a place of waiting, there will be times of waning faith. The stillness, the anxiety, will bring us to a place of uneasiness. Weakness is our greatest known quality during this time. The old questions arise and we become dull of hope. As I sit in the garage of my parents’ house, I wonder why. Why am I here? When I look at my friends, many are married and established with a job of some sort or working toward a Master’s degree. And myself? I don’t know. This seems to be my most common comment. I don’t know. For much of my life I have believed that I was to wait on this sort of calling from the LORD. I thought he would just hand me this mandate one day and off I would go. I thought I would someday just know who my wife would be and off we would go into the mission field together. I thought that I would go to college (which I did) and by the time I would graduate, I would have a wife, a degree, and a place to go.

Waiting for life to start. I think this was my mindset. I was waiting for life to start, but in the meantime, it is passing me by. Living in Bolivia was one of the greatest things I have experienced. Although I do believe that at the time I had a pretty negative attitude during the first couple of months, all the memories I now hold on to are very positive and frequent. One of the epiphanies I had while there came as I was in the restroom reading a devotional from My Utmost For His Highest. I was spending much of my prayer time praying about the future; such as my future wife, job, ministry, home, etc. I was saying one of those prayers when suddenly the thought hit me that I was always living in the future. This idea of “God’s will” had always come with the connotation that it was this grand future event. Suddenly I realized I was in Bolivia. This was God’s will. Not that I would have a ministry there someday, but that daily I had a ministry. It consisted of the conversations, smiles and words of encouragement I gave out each day. Yet in that place of thinking of God’s will as grand events in the future, I had missed out on daily opportunities to relate and serve people who surrounded me. This is the real meaning of ministry isn’t it? To serve people? So, there in the bathroom on a mountain in the village of Caranavi, I had one of my life’s greatest lessons.

And why do I still worry? In this place of not having a job, not having a significant other, being 25 and living in the garage of my parents' house; there is so much instability. In the place of waiting I seek to know God. In the wilderness of uncertainty, I am to trust he has all things under his control. And that’s what it is, waiting. This does not mean I am to lie around watching TV all day, but to be living a life of prayer and trust and be doing what I can do to improve my situation. Sometimes I tend to think that living for God means going to a foreign country with the support of the church and family or that the ministry means working for a specific organization or church (which all of these are very good ministry opportunities). The truth is that ministry happens everyday. The way we serve others, the Jesus that shines through us daily. This mystery found in Colossians 1:27 -- "Christ in you, the hope of Glory" is the ministry that we are called to. The truth that Jesus lives in us should offer a hope beyond worry; a faith that we can do all things through Christ that strengthens us. These two truths testify that it is not ourselves, but Christ in us that accomplishes life, ministry, and love of God and others.

The answer to my questions of God's will are found in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, "Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for THIS is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." Yes God has a mandate for you. As in Acts 13:2-3, the Holy Spirit called Barnabas and Saul during a time of worship and fasting. Then they were sent out after a time of fasting and prayer. I should not think I am beyond a time of being in the wilderness of waiting. Nor am I beyond a time of discipline and learning to trust. Faith is essentially trusting that what God says is true.

Even at this moment of reflection as I write this, I am reminded that I am in the center of God's will at this moment. He has me here for a purpose. Maybe it was just to write this reflection, maybe to teach me something new, or just to put me a place of listening. Whatever the case, I am excited to see what He will do with me these coming days. I should not look at my present situation as hopeless, but as an opportunity to go wherever He sends me. To work wherever he leads me and be in the place to receive the gift of relationship he will bring my way soon. In the meantime, I am to love God and others. It’s that "simple." Life is good. In fact, it's all good...

(this was written during a transition time and about a year and a half before heading to the Philippines)

The value of human life

One of the questions during our training was "Who is worth saving?" If you encounter someone in need and it seems "unsafe," the general answer from "trained professionals" is that you should not put yourself at any kind of risk until you know that everything is safe for you. But should this be the Christian response? I know there are common sense things you can do to stay safe, but what about situations that have a risk involved? Do you avoid those until that risk is gone? I remember seeing a documentary about the life of Mother Teresa called Something Beautiful for God. There is a scene where a dying man is literally rotting in the street from leprosy or some other horrid disease. People are passing this man in a 20 ft radius because of his condition. Mother Teresa walks to him and without caution, holds him in her tired frail arms. My first thought was, "That must have been how Jesus looked" and my second thought was on how I wanted to learn to love like that.

One of our values is the sanctity of human life. No matter how rich, how poor, how despised, how voiceless that life may seem, it is valuable to God and deserves help. Many times we put different values on human life. I’ve heard derogatory comments about "those heathens with AIDS," "those lazy poor," "drunkards," "the dirty homeless," "the unborn" and numerous other responses that categorize the value of different human beings. In John 10, Jesus tells his disciples, "I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved... The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." Jesus gave his life for ALL. He did not distinguish who should receive salvation, healing or deliverance…it is offered to everyone. During our training, we are learning to love following the example Jesus left us. Whether it be family members, classmates, the poor, the unpopular or the well off, Jesus love is extended to all.

Various Reflections

"So many times I think about how fast time seems to fly by and I always come to the same conclusion... I don't ever want to waste a day. I don't ever want to let outside influences such as others, finances or my own attitudes detour me from accomplishing the very core of life; to love God and love others." -- Chris Mapes